Monday, August 3, 2009

Kettle Corn Man: You were warned!

Dear Kettle Corn Man:

I would like to kindly remind you of the warning that was issued to you during the Morgan County Fair of 2008

"The heat was so bad that I was unable to fulfill my dream of eating my way from one end of the fairgrounds to the other. I did manage to grab a funnel cake and a Texas Twister (careful how you say that) drink on my way out the door. I may have failed this year but I'm going to use this next year as an opportunity to do some hard core training for the 2009 Morgan County Fair. The kettle corn man doesn't stand a chance!"

Well Kettle Corn Man, I have come to settle my score with you! I've been bulking up for this all year round. Although Timmy keeps referring to it as "beefing me up for the big day"...........
and he made me stand in line with this guy for some sort of a "weigh-in" before he would let me start eating.........I'd rather refer to it as stretching out my gut muscle or working out my fork triceps---because there was some fair food to be had!!

First up--kettle corn of course (that's right kettle corn man-we meet again) Dude! I'm twice your size! What was I worried about--you're just a little fella.
And then a footlong corn dog...
And a scone ........
and the Chinese food (thanks for this awesome photo honey--nice shot of me pulling a pleasant face).....
and then there was this rolled up Churro thingy........
That's my Texas Twister drink there on the table (the only documented proof that I was a sucker enough to pay $7 for lemonade--I don't even like lemonade)I do have to admit that there was a time that I had to break down and eat via proxy. Here's Brennon and Chaston lending me a hand with their frosted sugar cookie creations.And nothing tops a day at the fair off like bringing home a little cotton candy (please forgive the firearms in the background).
I followed up my Friday Fair Feeding Frenzy with a little volunteer work in the Operation Graduation hamburger booth. Translation: instead of eating the fair food, I got to help prepare the fair food. Double translation: if you have a son/daughter who will be a high school senior this coming school year, you are asked to donate your time at the operation graduation fund raising events. Triple translation: Lydon=senior. Stacy=old lady.Thanks dad for this very becoming photo of my jowls/waddle. I wonder if I grew those jowl/waddles whilst eating all that fair food :)
So there you have it--I accomplished my goal--I ate my way from one end of the fair to the other. And now I am paying for it. I am bloated like nobodies business. I'd give anything to have my plumbing flushed. I'm miserable. I think I should start a business clothing line that includes sweat pants. But I was thinking about it.....if I just sit at my desk, and never get up, no one notice what type of pants I have on. Problem solved! Sweat pants Rule!
Oh yeah----there were other things other than food at the fair.

Tim made a lovely fashion statement with this over sized straw cowboy hat. Thank you,Timmy, for not bringing that hat home and adding it to your extensive fishing hat collection.
Lydon found his prom picture in the exhibit building and it had won a blue ribbon.
Bren was called on stage to help with a magic trick and lit the stage on fire--literally!! And we spent a little hang time with Shirlee where I reminded her of the time when she abandonded me and she tried to distract me by trying to take pictures of my chesticle area. Please Shirlee---not in front of Yo Bob.I will not be issuing challenges to food vendors at the 2010 Morgan County Fair. Next year I plan on eating for recreational purposed only. And I hope to have clean pipes by then.

6 comments:

GDR said...

You are hilarious ! You should take your show on the road :)

Teresa said...

Hmmmm . . . and you wonder why the scales went up instead of down! You are too funny.

Scott and Malorie said...

I would have rather done this than run in the blasted heat. Maybe I'll try that next year. You are too funny!

SHIRLEE said...

oh you are too good. If you remember right it was you that changed the subject of the horribly painful abandonment issue. I was ready to talk about it and get it out in the open.....

Oh well I love you and all the stories that you right. You are awesome and very entertaining. "Chesticles" and all

Anonymous said...

I about choked on my kettle corn that I brought home from an event this past weekend! I hear ya....eating is so much fun. Just look at me. I am living proof!
love your blogs...makes me miss you! Roxanne

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